Live the Life You Want to Live

You would think I would learn by now. Not to post stupid stuff that probably wont apply three months from now. Maybe I'll learn this time. Things with Brett and I fell apart- a long time ago. Neither one of us were ready to settle down. Period. I love my single life and it took dating Brett to figure that out. It actually kind of scares me to think about settling down. I don't want to. Ever. And that scares me even more. Either way- I'm not going to post about any guy any more! No matter how smitten I think I may be. It always ends the same. They become too attached, it pushes me away, he'll end up heart broken and I'll end up feeling bad and with one less friend. I hate this never ending cycle. But what do you do?

On another note. I granted Dustin primary custody. Our visitation isn't changing so I'm completely okay with this. I love Kaiden more than anything but I'm a big enough person to admit that Dustin is a better father than I am a mother. I'm not a bad mom by any means. But Dustin doesn't see life outside of Kaiden and I want what's best for him. I'll still see him just as much as Dustin will and when it comes time for Kaiden to go to school it's in the divorce papers that Kaiden has to go to school wherever I live. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I started college last January. I was just going in for my generals. I really liked school. But I got offered a position at an orthodontics office and that's what I was aiming my schooling toward so I don't think I'll be returning fall semester. I'm sure one day I will go back to school but for now I'm just going to focus on making money and establishing my own life.

Sam is moving to SLC in like two weeks.  I'm going to miss her so much. We honestly don't even hang out that much now but she's still my best friend and it's really going to suck not having her around to talk to! Even my friend Mike is moving away. But I guess him and I aren't really the same anyway. I'll have Heather, we've seemed to grow pretty close lately but I'm supposed to be the one she comes to, not the other way around. And Lauren is still here.. but we've also drifted apart. We just have different interests now. People change I guess. I have. But I like the new me. I'm trouble. But I like it.

Everything always works out.

Looking back at everything I've posted, I'd like to delete all of it. None of it applies anymore. Life has changed so much, it's unbelievable. Dustin and I are separated. Have been for some time now. Our relationship changes. Some days we hate each other, but most we're still friends. I think we may have a better relationship now than we ever have. He's living down in Vegas, with my family... slightly weird. But he's got a good job and I know Kaiden is being well taken care of when he's there. Kaiden is so big! He's starting to talk now and he's got such a personality. I miss him when he's gone. Dustin and I trade off every two weeks. It works. For now. He's a pretty good kid. He lights up my life.

But because Dustin moved out, I needed Sam and Jessi to move in and help pay rent. That changed everything. They say that moving in with your friends will ruin your relationship. But it's finding out who they really are is what ruins it. Long story short I no longer associate with Jessi or Lauren. Sam and I are still okay. It's just the two of us that live together now. But I'd rather have it this way. It's amazing how many fake people are in your life. I've about rid of all of mine. Thank God. I've learned a lot though. About people and life. I have no regrets about anything. I can't think of a time when life has been better for me. I can think of ways to make it better, but they're just little things.

I got promoted at work. I am now a corporate merchandiser. I love it. I set up displays and make the store shoppable. We travel to all three southern stores, and I love driving so it works out! I bought a new car too. It's an 03 Mazda Protege. It's so perfect! Runs like a dream. :)

On another note, the best note, I've met a boy and he is absolutely perfect. His name is Brett. I met him through work. He was shopping back when I was still cashiering. We happened to be walking next to each other in the same direction. I noticed this cute little girl bobbing up and down next to me, so I looked and smiled. Then I looked up to see who's hand she was holding. He was staring at me. I blushed and looked away. He asked a mutual friend of ours for my number, and we've been inseparable since! It's only been about a month since we've met, but I just know we're meant for each other. I know I sound crazy but I don't care. When you know, you know. No one has ever made me so happy. All he has to do is be in my presence and I feel like I'm sitting on top of the world. It's not even right! But I don't mind. He feels the same way about me. We've felt this way since day one. That's how I know this is going to last. I'm so excited about it. I just love his family. His mom is absolutely adorable. I even look forward to spending time with her. I can't wait for the day I can just go hang out with her without weirding Brett out. :) I like being around the rest of his family too. We get along great. Family vaycays and reunions will be great! And then his daughter Layni is just gorgeous. She looks like Kaiden :) She'll be five two days before Kaiden turns two. She's got quite the personality herself. I was terrified to meet her. I was so afraid she wouldn't like me. But she loved me just as much as I loved her! Her and I will have a good time I think. Kaiden will love her. Everything has just worked out so well since I've met Brett. I haven't stopped smiling. I doubt I ever will. We've both made it clear that neither of us will be going anywhere anytime soon. I know I sound so crazy. Maybe even a little creepy haha but I don't care! I'm so happy. It's ridiculous. :)

So, life's good. And I only see it getting better.

Life as it is.

So much I'd like to say. But I'm just not ready to talk about it. We're in Cedar. I love my job. I love my home. And I love my friends and family. It seems like everything is going pretty well. I've shed about ten pounds since I've been here. Made a few new friends. Joined a softball league. Dustin has a job. I think he likes it okay. I know he loves working. Kaiden is just getting so big. He just walks and walks. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. Life is okay right now. And I intend on keeping it that way.

It's Not What If, It's What Now

So, I got the job. Yay me right? Right. Don't get me wrong. I am very excited to be living back in Utah. But, I am not looking forward to the moving. That sucks. I'm not looking forward to being stressed out about a babysitter until May. That sucks as well. Dustin had an interview last week. He thinks it went rather well. He has a 'hookup' there, so chances are likely. It'd be full time, like my current job, and he'd be making the same as I am now. I'm very proud. I know he would be ecstatic if he got it. Bad part is, we won't know until mid-April if he got it or not. But at least I can be 'free of worry' about a babysitter. Kinda. Anyway, Thursday is my last day, and that night we're headed up to Utah because I have orientation Friday morning. Not even one day off. Ha figures :) I am excited to get some quality time in with my sisters and BFF's. :) I'm joining a softball league with my sister Ashley, and we're going to start scrapbooking. I've wanted to try that for a while. I think it should be way fun! I'm trying to convince Dust that we should come back down for Easter, to spend time with my mom's side of the family, and then everyone can properly say goodbye to Kaiden. I do kind of feel like a jerk for taking him away. Everyone just loves him... but I can't leave him. Haha Even if I could, I wouldn't. So, this is where we are now. In the process of moving. New job. New home. And hopefully a new car before long. :) What's that saying? All is well that ends well? We'll see!

We Can't Live Off Of What If's

This morning, I got an email from my boss saying that things over at the other office were crazy. That they're getting overflowed with candidates trying to apply. We've had 73 people apply this week. Eight of which should have gone to my office to apply, and one of which who actually did. That doesn't look so great. It's hard to tell what that means. Everyone over there is agitated and everyone just wants things to be back the way they were. Too bad none of them have a say in it. The owner will make the last decision. He has no idea what they are going through. All he wants to do is save money, which it's too early to tell if he will. We're only four days in. We have the whole rest of march to thin out this situation. No one really knows what's going to happen. 

I do, however have an interview this Saturday in Cedar City. I'd be making three dollars less than I do now, and it'd be part time instead of full. After my interview, I have an appointment with a landlord on this great two bedroom twin home. At a great price! I am absolutely in love with this place. It would be SO nice for Kaiden to have his own room again, and to get all of his toys out of my cluttered living room! I have a really good feeling that I'll get this job no problem, great right? It would be.

Here's my problem. We don't know for sure IF they are going to be shutting down my office. What IF they don't, and I take the job in Cedar? Then I could have kept my job making good money in a studio apartment. But, what IF they do close it down and I stay because no one knows for sure what's going to happen? Then I'd be out of a job. I would much rather be in Cedar. I am so much happier there. I had a hard time leaving in the first place. The only reason I did, was because of the job I have now. But IF I lose this job, what's holding me back? It's a tough situation. I think I know what I have to do. I just don't want to disappoint anyone. I need to do what's right for my family. I hope everyone can respect that, even IF they think it's not the right choice. I hate What If's.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Yesterday, I got some pretty crappy news. My bosses were in a meeting for half the day yesterday. I was excluded, of course. Well, after every one had gone home, except for my main boss and myself, he comes to tell me what this meeting was all about. I had a gut-feeling that my job was in danger. He tells me that our founder wants to shut down our office to save money. He wants us to transfer all the way to Las Vegas. I immediately said, "I have to drive all the way to Vegas everyday!?" He stopped me short and said, "Except you." I knew it. I knew I was being laid off. I haven't even been here that long. Well, come to find out, I still have my job, for now. But I'm going to be working all alone for a month straight. As an "experiment." With new hours. So, now I have to wake up at 5:30 every morning instead of 6:30. So not looking forward to that. But, that's not even the worst part. My new duties will be to have people sign a paper, saying they came in trying to apply, and hand them a map to the other office. Then on Mondays, I have to alphabetize the time cards so they can be picked up on Tuesdays. The phones will be forwarded to the other office as well. I am seriously considering picking up a can of Mace. Just in case. So, if all goes "well" then they will transfer offices. They already have two admins over there. I'm the newest employee, and the youngest, so, I'll be the first to go. I'm already looking for a new job. This is a really sucky situation. But I'm going to try and make the best of it.

The people who made me who I am today.

This girl. Her name is Jessi. She really is my best friend. We've been through soo much together. And never been in one fight. Not even an argument. I love her. She's been here for me literally through thick and thin. She was my friend when I was 'bad' and she was still 'good'. Even when I went to DT. She would come visit me at night through my window just to talk to me for an hour. She went to my first doctor appointment when I was pregnant with Kaiden. She even held my hand while I was being a wuss when I had to get my blood drawn. I can't think of another time I sweated so much! haha She is the literally only person who knows ALL of my secrets. And I know she'll keep them. Because she loves me as much as I love her.



This is Sam. She is stunning. She always makes me laugh and listens to my pathetic problems! Haha I didn't like her when I first met her, I don't know why! I love her now. I have a lot of respect for her. Her life is completely headed in the right direction. She's so responsible for being so young. She was definitely brought up right. She is kind of a freak about her dogs, but they are cute! ;) I think she is way too amazing to worry about as much as she does! Her and Jessi are best friends as well. So when we all three hang out together (which is how it usually is) I feel like we're unstoppable. We really are sweet girls, we just get a little crazy when we get together! :D



This is my aunt Rachel. I've known her for almost 10 years now. Even when she first came into my life, I knew I'd love her forever. She's an amazing person, an awesome mom, and a great friend. My uncle made a great choice. :) I'm proud to call her family. She's exactly who I want to be. Even when I was younger, I wanted to be just like her. She's fun, caring, and just gorgeous. She's good to her husband, close with her mom, and a well rounded person. She can look back at her teenage years and think, "Wow I was crazy! But I had a great time." She lived her teenage years just as crazy as I did. Lots of great memories. And now that she's grown and settled down, she lives an amazing life. The life I one day hope to have. She helped shape me and accepted me for who I am since day one. I love her. I always will. ♥

This is Leslie. I married into her family. She is an awesome person. She is so much fun to be around. Very down to earth. She definitely keeps me level-headed. If anything ever happened between me and Dust, I know we'd still be friends. :) She helps me with things I have a hard time talking about. She gives great advice, and I always take it. I remember the first time I met her. I thought for sure she didn't like me. She claims she had nothing against me, but you should have seen the way she looked at me! Haha, if she even did! Then we started hitting the gym together. And mow we're best friends! We have a great time together. She tells you how it is. You can tell just by looking at her that she's special. I definitely would be lost without her. She's going to make a great mom.

This is Lacy, Dustin's sister. She has always been so nice to me, ever since the first day we met. The first day I went up to Gunnison to meet Dustin's family, we got snowed in. We were only supposed to stay a few hours. But the weather was too dangerous to be driving in. So, she gave me some of her pajamas to sleep in and clothes to wear the next day! I used to be soo jealous of her! She's so pretty and thin, and fun! I didn't like for her and Dustin to hang out. Silly, I know. But it took me a while to realize they were brother and sister! Haha. I hate to even admit that. :) She was kind of quiet at first, but now we can talk about most everything. I loved working with her. She was so fun to be around. I will ALWAYS be there when she needs me. She'll always be my sister.

This is Britney. She is so cute! She is probably the most caring person I know. She always wants to help out! I haven't even known her that long, but she has definitely been a good friend to me. She's fun to hang with and great to talk to! She's very realistic and I love her for that! We both just kind of found ourselves in the Piep family, and even if that ever changes, I know we'd still be friends. She deserves the very best. And I hope she gets it. She's going to make an amazing mom. And I know our children will be best friends. :)